El Divo Presents: Barnacles, Botox, and Boatyards
A little la dolce vita in Port Townsend, Washington.
I know what you’re thinking: El Divo, last month was Pride! Where in the name of Dorothy’s red ruby slippers was Michael’s sarcastic gay camera?
Por que are you asking me? You should query the fellow who writes this newsletter, as I am definitely not upper management.
Fear not, though, El Divo is back, and while I don’t have any Pride photos of me sitting imperiously upon a float — the only way I sit, of course — this month, I do have something else for you that floats.
Boats. Lots and lots of boats.
Yes, Michael’s fancy has been captured by the Port Townsend Boatyard, where all sorts of floaty contraptions school together like delicious anchovies waiting to be netted by a hunky Italian fisherman named Niccolò who turns his gaze upon you and…
Mi scusi. It’s been a while since El Divo has had male companionship.
I am Michael’s gay camera, remember?
Anyway, let us not dwell on that and instead focus on the boatyard, where one will find schooners, trawlers, yachts, ferries, sailboats, and all manner of maritime contraptions.
There’s even a boat with connections to pirates, which I shall get to in a bit.
Why the Port Townsend Boatyard, you might ask?
Well, mi dolce companions, Port Townsend, situated on the Olympic Peninsula and overlooking Puget Sound, is where Brent and Michael reside during their yearly visits back to the U.S. and they were just there, so naturally Michael had to take pictures.
True, Port Townsend is no Portofino, Positano, or Polignano a Mare. Then again, few places are because, well, Italy.
But Port Townsend is a charming port town with lovely Victorian buildings and a rich maritime history dating back to the 19th century.
Port Townsend is also known as a hub for wooden boat enthusiasts and is home to the second-largest wooden boat festival in the world.
And at the Northwest Maritime Center, people can even learn the time-honored craft of building a boat. There, one can imagine a shirtless, hairy-chested Niccolò vigorously sanding away while—
Perdono, El Divo allowed himself to become distracted once more.
In this era of cheap disposable goods, El Divo is genuinely impressed by Port Townsend’s devotion to passing on its nautical heritage. Of course, Michael went crazy taking photos at the Maritime Center — and even more so at the boatyard.
However, the boats at the boatyard do not float in the water.
No, most of these boats aren’t even in the water.
Instead, they are in dry dock, having been hoisted land-ho using a boat sling.
The technical term for the sling is a Marine Travel Lift, and the one at Port Townsend can raise a boat weighing up to 330 tons and 150 feet in length.
Mama Mia! as they say in Italy. (I jest, of course. That only happens in bad American movies.)
Once a boat is lifted out of the water, it’s placed on keel blocks: pieces of wood or concrete on which the keel of the boat rests so it doesn’t tip over.
Sort of like a drag queen perched on high heels.
Why are these boats hauled out of the water like tuna being scooped up to make a fresh ceviche with an avocado vinaigrette paired with a crisp Riesling that Niccolò lovingly—
Dear, dear, dear. This is becoming a problem.
The boats aren’t in the water, dear companions, because boat ownership requires much maintenance to stay looking ship-shape. Work that cannot be done while sailing the seven seas.
The hull must undergo high-pressure washing to strip away barnacles, algae, rust, and any other unpleasant corrosion. Basically, it’s a chemical peel for boats.
Then the hull is repainted and patched, and some other nautical necessities happen, like deck-swabbing, varnishing, and tightening the petards until someone screams “ahoy!”
Okay, fine. El Divo confesses they don’t know what a “petard” is and made up that last bit.
So the boat is basically getting a makeover leaving it “refreshed” and ready to sail the high seas once more.
Or, to put it in terms much of this readership will relate to: the boatyard is what happens when a luxury day spa rendezvous with a gym and a discreet, highly skilled plastic surgeon. There is exfoliation. There is heavy lifting. And, eventually, there is transformation — if not rebirth, then at least a well-buffed illusion of youth.
Some boats need a bit more rebirth than others.
Naturally, Michael had to take pictures of every single boat.
I should probably cut the poor fellow a little slack for going so picture-crazy. I must admit there is something special about seeing these boats removed from their natural element.
The hulls with their graceful curves, the way their keels taper to such narrow points.
It is rather heroic.
After all, these boats are brave enough to challenge the oceans, which are among the most powerful forces on Earth.
Aside from El Divo, of course.
And when a boat is illuminated by the golden hour and ends up looking like something out of a painting?
Well, that’s a little bit of magic, no?
There is also a vulnerability to these boats, which arrive battered and beaten down by the elements, and put on display, with all their flaws in plain view of the world.
Imagine Michael, stripped naked, balanced on keel blocks, waiting for a power washing.
Actually, let’s not do that.
Let us instead picture the aforementioned Niccolò once more, posed like Michelangelo’s David in all his glory, gleaming as—
Heavens to bruschetta! El Divo must arrange a date pronto pesto!
El Divo admits he’s especially fond of Michael’s work with the boat’s reflection in the waters of Puget Sound.
Gentle companions, we are almost at the end of this missive. I know, I know! I promised you a pirate story.
Here is Michael’s pirate story — of sorts.
He’d been wandering around the boatyard snapping away as he is wont to do when a man in a truck pulled up next to him.
At first, Michael thought he might be trespassing and was about to get a scolding. Instead, the man asked what Michael knew about the Lady Washington, the boat he was currently photographing.
When Michael admitted he knew nothing, the fellow excitedly explained that the Lady Washington had had a minor guest part in the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie as well as the movie Star Trek: Generations.
Michael, himself a Trekkie, was suitably impressed.
Yes, the Lady Washington is looking a little ragged at the moment.
Thankfully, she’s come to the right place and I feel certain in the skilled hands of Niccolo, she will be looking bellissimo in no time at all.
That’s all for now, mi amores! Until next time, I remain your devoted El Divo!
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Michael Jensen is a travel writer, amateur photographer, and novelist. Check out his other newsletter about his travels at BrentAndMichaelAreGoingPlaces.com.
As a native Washingtonian, I love Port Townsend! Your boat reflections photos are beautiful. 🛥️😀
Breathtaking!